Fox and I have been re-evaluating our life lately.  To say that this past year has been hard is putting it rather mildly.  Survival mode has become the norm; even when things are going better, they’re hard.

One of the ways that we have dealt with this - one of the UN-healthy ways - is by turning to the internet for some vegging-out entertainment.  The end of the day comes, Ladybug’s finally in bed asleep, and all we want to do is collapse on the couch with something mindless.  We don’t have a TV, so what do we do?  We surf the net.  On two separate laptops.

We’ve realized how many things this is keeping us from doing.  For me, reading books, sewing, creating things, pursuing music, working on the garden, organizing, writing, and keeping up with friendships are all things that I set aside regularly in favor of the mind-numbing amusement I find online.  Fox has his own list.  But the one most important thing on both of our lists is our marriage - our relationship with each other.  Not that we’ve neglected it, exactly - it’s just not as good as it could be, as we want it to be.  And it’s harder now than before Ladybug came along - a lot harder.  Extra effort is needed, not extra zoning-out.

We’ve decided to take some drastic measures.  We’re going to get rid of one of our laptops.  That way, if Fox is using it for school in the evening, I will be doing something else, hopefully from that list above.  If he needs to take it to school, I will check and reply to email in the evenings when he gets home.  If not, I’ll have it all day, and he’ll check when he gets home.  Then we’ll pursue other things, together or separately, but other, worthwhile things.

I have also decided to stop blogging.  This has been a hard decision but I think it is the right one.  I wanted to blog for a number of reasons, but they aren’t working out like I hoped they would.  For one, I wanted a creative outlet.  I had fun designing my blog, but the writing itself just doesn’t work for me online.  I think I need to write by hand, in a journal, for my creativity to flow.  My mind goes blank when I sit down at a computer to write.  I end up writing silly stuff.

For two, I wanted to stay in touch with friends around the world.  What I found was that when I connected with friends this way, the communication often became too much for me to keep up with.  I am not even good at finding time and energy to maintain friendships with people right here in town, much less deepen those friendships!  And while I am already blessed with many deep friendships with people who live in other places, I need to communicate with them at a little bit slower pace.  I am an introvert - an overwhelmed, tired, busy introvert - and I just can’t handle all the relationships, all at once, that blogging brings.

And then there was the temptation to be a “power blogger.”  I am a driven person (at least, I used to be… I THINK I still am?…when I’m not so tired…)  and I like to stand out, to be the best, to receive praise.  A friend once told me that I want to be unique and special, but that I’m not - I’m just a normal person like everybody else.  She wasn’t trying to be cruel; she was being honest.  God has been dealing with me about that for awhile now, but blogging made it harder.  I wanted tons of readers, but I don’t have the time or energy that I need to put in to make that happen.  And that has nothing to do with why I started to blog in the first place!  Argh!  (Insert pirate accent there.  It’s fun.)  So, yes - temptation.

Anyway - there you have it.  I will leave this blog up indefinitely, and maybe I’ll update it now and then with family news and tidbits that friends might like to hear about.  I don’t know - we’ll see.  I’m looking forward to doing other things, though.  Thanks for being a reader, whoever you may be.   I appreciate it!

Today you are one year old!  I can’t believe that the first year of your life is already over.  You have changed and grown so much - from a helpless little babe of 7 lbs, 11 ounces, to an independent little toddler of 19 pounds, 2 ounces!  How did it happen?

You came into the world 9 days past your due date, and took your time about it.  I thought you would be born on 7-7-07, since I went into labor at 5 am on that day!  But twenty-four hours later, you finally showed up.  I was immediately struck by how beautiful you were.  Big blue eyes, a perfect little nose, rosebud lips, and two deep dimples that showed up whenever you cried.  You were never purple and squishy like some new babies; you skipped that stage and went straight for gorgeous.  You’re still beautiful; I can rarely go out without at least one person stopping to comment on my beautiful baby.

The first six months with you were the hardest time of my life.  They were pretty hard for you, too.  Reflux got a hold of you at just two weeks, and my sweet, smiley baby disappeared.  You cried all the time; you were in so much pain.  It made me incredibly sad and I felt so helpless.  We gave you medicine every twelve hours, and every time you hated it.  It had a strong peppermint flavor; I wonder how you will feel about peppermint when you’re older!  The medicine helped, but it didn’t help enough.  You nursed constantly, since it hurt you to eat.  We were attached at the hip.  Sometimes I wondered if we’d make it!

But then, miraculously, your reflux disappeared as suddenly as it had arrived!  Right before Christmas, you again transformed into a different baby - but this time, you were so happy!  I couldn’t believe it.  I finally had the happiest baby on the block!  We stopped your medication and the reflux didn’t come back.   You started sleeping a little better, and your awake time became so much fun.

Since then, you have just continued to grow and change so quickly, my girl.  You were crawling and then pulling up and cruising, and now you’re walking all over the world.  You love to laugh with us.  You love to get us to chase you and tickle you, and we love to do it.  You have the sweetest, most sensitive little heart; you cry when others are crying and you laugh when they’re laughing.  I love that about you.  You’re the most observant, curious little babe I’ve ever seen in my life; you certainly don’t miss a thing!  You’re also starting to talk a little bit; you love to say “uh-oh” and “cheese” and “da-da” and “mama.” You don’t want me to feed you anymore from a spoon; you want to feed yourself with finger foods.  And you’re just starting to understand that clothes go on our bodies; it’s hilarious to watch you pick up random pieces of clothes from my laundry pile and try to put them on your head!

Right when you were born, a wise mama at church told me that the days are long but the years are short.  She was so right.  Sometimes, during those long days, I wonder if I’m being the best mommy to you that I can be.  But this past year has gone by so quickly, and watching you grow and change and develop has been the most exciting, rewarding thing I’ve ever done - even when I’m exhausted because we’ve been up half the night teething!

I love you so much, my little Ladybug.  You are more precious to me than I could ever express.  I can’t wait to see what the coming year holds for you.  Thanks for being my girl.

Love, your mama

Chicken stock, that is!  One of the things i like to make at home (as opposed to buying it in a store, already made) is chicken stock.  Why would anyone make their own stock when it’s so easy to buy?  Well, there are a lot of benefits, and it’s really very easy! Homemade stock contains tons of nutrients that you just don’t get in a box or a can (and many brands contain hidden MSG).  The key is using bones.  Yep, bones!  Bones are full of minerals that will leach into the liquid as it simmers, and the result will be a rich, healing bone broth.  There’s a reason our grandmas always said chicken soup will cure anything!

This recipe will make about 3-4 quarts, depending how long you let it simmer.  You can use one quart that day, and freeze the rest for later.  I freeze mine in 1-quart mason jars.  The recipe uses a whole chicken, so you also end up with delicious meat that you can use for enchiladas (a personal fave), tortilla soup, chicken salad - whatever.  Make sure you use the best quality chicken you can get - local pastured chicken is best.  I use the recipe found in Nourishing Traditions.

Ingredients:

• 1 chicken (or 2-3 pounds of bony parts)
• 4 quarts water
• 2 TB apple cider vinegar
• 1 large onion, coarsely chopped
• 2 carrots, coarsely chopped
• 3 celery sticks, coarsely chopped
• 1 bunch parsley

Basically, you throw it all into a big pot, except for the parsley.  Let it sit there for about 30 minutes and then bring it to a boil.  If anything rises to the top, skim it off.  Then reduce heat, cover, and simmer anywhere from 6 to 24 hours.  The longer you simmer it, the more flavorful and nutrient-rich it will be.  About 10 minutes before you’re finished simmering, add the parsley.

When finished, let it cool slightly and you can take out the meat and use it, freeze it, or whatever.  Strain the broth through a mesh strainer into containers that will seal and remain airtight.  If you plan on freezing it, remember to leave about an inch of room at the top.  You can stick it into the fridge once it’s at room temp, and let the fat congeal and rise to the top in order to skim it off, but you don’t have to.  Voila!  Home-made chicken stock, complete with healing properties and free of added scariness.  Economical, too.  I try to make sure I always have at least one quart in my freezer at all times.  I gave it to my baby straight up when she had a cold and she got better pretty quickly.  I love to make soup with it, though.  It’s also great for cooking rice and cous-cous instead of water.  Eventually, my goal is to make this every week, since I am doing more and more of my cooking from scratch.

Smacznego!  (That’s like the Polish version of “Bon appetit!”)

I’m experimenting with how to add video to the blog. Here’s a first attempt. Check out the bug eating dinner!

Need some help with budgeting? I sure do! Go on over to this post at Simple Mom, and enter her giveaway for a lifetime worth of free budgeting software!

A wedding is a very grounding, centering thing for me to witness. Being at a wedding always reminds me of what’s really important: my husband, and the covenant we entered into on March 11, 2005; my daughter, and the joy (and responsibility!) that she brings; my relationship with a covenantal God, and the ways that He has blessed me beyond all reason, beyond anything I could ever have planned for myself, far beyond what I deserve.

Tonight I went to a friend’s wedding. She is older - 36, I think - and one of those people of whom other people always say, “She’s such an amazing woman! Why isn’t she married yet?” (I won’t go into the reasons why this is a terrible way to think. But it is. It’s also beside the point.) The wedding was so beautiful and joyous, one of the most joyous I have ever been to. You could tell that everyone was just bursting with happiness for her, and she was absolutely radiant.

During the officiant’s message, he told her, almost as an aside, “Put away your preoccupations with what you thought your life would be like.” Isn’t that interesting? I found it extremely insightful. Marrying at age 36 is probably not what she had in mind for her life ten or fifteen years ago. Ten or fifteen years ago, she probably thought she would have been married for awhile by now, likely with a few kids in tow. Why did Dr. Taylor choose to say those words? Was it something specific for her that he knew she needed to hear? Or was it something more general to us as women, or even to all of our human natures?

I don’t know. But those words stood out from among all the others as though they were directed personally to me via a megaphone from heaven. I have been fighting to put away some preoccupations of my own for a little while now. It’s selfish and ungrateful to hang on to those preoccupations, I know that. Yet sometimes it is so hard to move forward. I don’t know what or where forward is. I don’t know what lies ahead - and of course, in reality, I never did.

I want to be content with my circumstances, ALL of the time. I want to be grateful, and cognizant of how BLESSED I am, ALL of the time.

And I want to dream new dreams.

1.  She loves to say “hi” and “hey” to everyone we pass, everywhere.  At the grocery store she is like someone riding on a float in a parade; everyone gets a wave and a “hi,” along with a sweet dimply smile.

2.  She loves my old Curious George doll; whenever she is upset all I have to do is give her George and she is instantly happy.  She gives him kisses and combs his hair with her little comb.

3.  She loves to give kisses to me and Fox - big, happy, slobbery kisses right on the smacker.

4.  She recently added sound effects to her kisses - something like, “mmmmmmmmmm-AH!” - mimicking me, I believe.

5.  She even more recently began blowing kisses - complete with sound effects.  It’s adorable.

6.  She loves to laugh and play games and giggle and try to get us to chase her and giggle some more.

7.  She is SO OBSERVANT!  She doesn’t miss a thing - though she has always been like that.  On our morning walk, when something catches her eye, she uses her arms to lift herself up out of the stroller and cranes her neck to get a better look - be it a squirrel, a cat, another person, a bird, etc.

8.  When the phone rings, she says, “Hi!”  Sometimes even before I can answer.

9.  She loves to swing in the baby swings.   She laughs and laughs.

10.  She is learning to walk, and she is sooo proud of herself!  The smile just goes from ear to ear.  Then she gets too excited or tries to go too fast, and plop, she’s back down on all fours.

11.  The other night she was playing with her food a little bit - not really eating it - so Fox picked up a piece from her tray and pretended to eat it, to show her that SHE should eat it.  Instead, she picked up a piece, and then PRETENDED  TO EAT IT, TOO!  With a big grin on her face, I might add.  She’s a smarty pants.

Wednesday night, we had a babysitter and went out on a date - it was our third date since Ladybug was born! And it was the first time we asked a babysitter who was non-family. A real milestone!

It was such a great evening. We had already eaten dinner earlier with Ladybug, so no dinner involved, but we went to the coffeehouse where we first decided to get married, and sat on the same bench where we sat that night almost four years ago. We talked and talked, then went for a drive around our old neighborhood, where our first apartment was. I miss that neighborhood so much. Then we went and found a bench and talked some more - we stayed out until almost midnight! On a weekday! Such extravagance! It was one of the best evenings in a long time.

Fox started summer school this week, and it’s a bit rough - on both of us. The class meets five days a week, as opposed to twice a week during the regular semester, so everyday he’s gone at 6:30 am for his hour-long commute to school. It’s hard not having him home in the mornings to help me out. Then he works all afternoon and gets home around 6. Long days. It’s been a long week. Thankfully, we had the date on Wednesday night to break up the week. And today is Friday! Yay! Two whole days together…bliss.

Ladybug started walking! She’s not consistent - she still falls a lot and crawls more than she walks, but she’s definitely walking. It’s amazing! I can’t wait for her to really be good at it and give up crawling - then maybe she’ll stop eating every single little thing that she comes across on the floor!

I would just like to announce that for the past two nights, Ladybug has slept nine and a half hour stretches!

Thank you, God!

two zucchini plants, actually.

we planted a garden for the first time last summer, and it was producing wonderfully until two events came together and conspired to destroy our garden forevermore: an excess of rain, and the birth of our daughter. we might have been able to survive the excess rain, had we had the time, energy, and, well, TIME to continue working the soil. but we succumbed to the all-consuming care of the newborn babe, instead. i think it was a good choice.

this year we decided to try again, and we planted cucumber, eggplant, zucchini, cherry tomatoes, and full-size tomatoes. oh, and green and yellow bell peppers. until last night, the only veggie that was producing yet was the zucchini (last night we got some cherry tomatoes for the first time - oh! like a little burst of summer in your mouth!). we’ve probably had about 18-20 beautiful green zucchini and they were oh, so tasty. unfortunately, it was not to last.

the other day we noticed that one of the plants seemed to be dying. we had had a fierce storm come through - i think it made the national news, it was so violent - and it seemed that perhaps the wind had broken the base of the plant. then this morning, i went out to water and prune, and the other zucchini was also dead! so sad. i went over to examine them closely and when i was poking and prodding, it felt so loose! i pulled it gently and the whole plant was separated from the root base - i lifted it off as though the two parts had never been one living organism. the base was rotting and crawling with bugs and larvae… disgusting.

so today we sing our swan song for our zucchini. i think we still have time to start again - not with zucchini, but something else… what should we plant instead?