Yesterday was the first official step in my transition to staying at home: they hired my replacement at work.  I’ll start training her on Monday the 21st.  I think my boss made a good choice and she’ll do a great job, but it feels pretty surreal to me.  I’ve worked here for almost three years - which is the longest that I’ve been at any one job! - and leaving here is bringing up so many strange emotions that I wasn’t expecting to feel.   (And don’t tell me it’s just the pregnancy hormones talking.  :)) 

The thing is that when I took this job, I knew it wasn’t what I wanted in a “career,” but it was, in my mind, a transitional job, and I knew I would enjoy it.  I started this job as a single; I got married about nine months in, and I never wanted to deal with too much change at any given time, and so the job continued.  But as time went on, it got more and more difficult to think about leaving, due to an overly loyal streak, and the timing never seemed right.  However, I was also getting more and more unhappy, as I realized that I would never have an opportunity to use the gifts and talents that I enjoy using the most.  There was no chance for any kind of advancement, and the truth is that because it’s a male-dominated culture in my office, it would never even occur to anyone that I might have more to offer than anyone was willing to give me credit for.  Does that sound horrible?

I’m not a feminist by any means - I love the role that I have assumed in my marriage and home, and I have a feeling that becoming a stay-at-home-mom will be my favorite job yet.  But there’s still something pretty disappointing in walking away from an office after three years and feeling like you were never truly able to be who you were meant to be. 

Maybe it’s pride?….  I’m not sure. 

And yet, this has been the place I spent most of my waking hours for quite some time now.  It’s familiar and comfortable.  And I will miss the people.  Only nine more days.  So weird!