(Note: the following post was intended to be humorous, in a very dry sort of way. But my hubby thinks that it sounds too intense and that my life is currently hellish. So, lest any of you fear or worry, please know I am actually pretty happy right now. So, just think “humor” when you read. I’m pretty sure I just have a guilt complex about not calling/emailing so many of you back, so I overdid it a bit below, in hopes that you won’t all hate me. )

well, here i am, in a rare moment of free time where i can actually have TWO HANDS free to type something. so, here goes:

1) I’m sorry for not calling/emailing you back. you know who you are.

and

2) the blog is going on hiatus.

Here’s the deal: I was only born with two hands. all the other moms of newborns who are out there blogging, emailing people, and calling people, they are actually born with a secret third hand - the extra “mom” hand. but i didn’t get one. so i am not able to do those things - except in rare moments like these.

i have been blessed with a “high needs” child. you can read more about what that means here. so, i can never really put her down. sometimes she pretends to be asleep, so i put her down, but after about 5 minutes she wakes up and giggles and says, “ha ha, mom, i tricked you!” and with her amazing little dimples you can’t help but giggle, too. but you also sigh, and say, “OK, maybe next time i will get to……(fill in the blank).” i read on another mom’s blog that in her spare time she likes to do luxurious, CRAZY things like shower and brush her teeth. and i totally understand.

so, i can do many things one-handed. however, they often include another partner activity which requires two hands. for example:

• i can eat with one hand, but cooking takes two
• i can read emails/blogs with one hand, but replying/writing takes two

you see what i mean.

also, i keep my phone’s ringer off now, so that in the event that she actually falls asleep and STAYS asleep (what a concept!), the phone will not awaken her (and me - because when else can i nap?) and crush all of my dreams. so, if you have called and i have not answered, it’s because the following stars were not aligned:

• phone is near me so i see it ring (i.e. i’m not down the hall changing diapers, or running to pee during her five minutes of pretend sleep, or something like that)
• free hand to answer the phone at that moment
• baby is awake (otherwise i’ll wake her - remember, she’s attached)
• baby is calm (not needing my attention at that moment)

i think that about covers it. so, please accept my sincere apologies if you have called and i have not answered nor have i yet called you back. i intend to…… it simply may take eighteen years. ok, maybe a month or so.

so, occasionally in the evenings she will nap a little before bed, as she is doing now. however, my dear hubby is a full-time student in graphic design, meaning he gets to call the computer if he needs it for homework. not to mention my home is a filthy shambles, so perhaps the blog isn’t really the best use of my time. hence, blogging has also ground to a halt.

therefore, i am declaring an official blog hiatus.

when i get my third hand, or when baby’s needs are a little less intense, i will return. and when i make my comeback, i’ll be bigger and better than ever. just like britney spears. (except - oops, apparently she bombed her comeback performance last night on the mtv vmas.  so, not like britney spears.  i hope.)

and i will be sure to let you all know. because i know you’ll all be waiting with baited breath.

oh, the agony.