I know I said I would quit blogging, and I don’t plan to blog regularly anymore.  But I heard from a few friends who don’t live nearby that they are going to miss getting updates about our lives.  So I will probably post monthly updates.  No attempts at wit or wisdom; just the facts.   I DO want to stay in touch with friends that live elsewhere (love you guys).  So here’s the latest news.

First of all, we survived summer school.  Whew, and praise the Lord!  It was pretty awful, to be honest - especially the second summer session.  Fox worked everyday from 6:30-10:30am, then drove an hour’s commute to a mid-day class, then either went back to work after class or stayed after class to work on homework.  It was a screenprinting class, so he couldn’t exactly do his homework at home.  Some days he never saw Ladybug at all, and I never felt more like a single parent than I did the past two months.  It was definitely the hardest stretch of his classes so far, for all of us (not the actual classwork, just the toll it took).  But it’s over now!  Yeehaw!  :)  And we are trying to resume normal life.  Ah, who am I kidding?   What’s normal?  Anyway, we have a three week break before his fall semester starts up and we are going to make the most of it.

Ladybug is now thirteen months old and cracking us up more everyday.  She walks everywhere, loves to play outside and get dirty, is getting really vocal with her babbling and adding more words all the time.  It is one of the most fun phases so far.  Unfortunately, she is also teething her first molars and I think it must be really painful; she has never had such a rough time before.  She has stopped sleeping again, and I think that has a lot to do with it.  So, I’m a pretty exhausted momma these days.  We pray for those molars to come in SOON!

In July I (along with Ladybug) traveled to Dallas to spend three days in teacher training for an early childhood music program called Musikgarten. This is the same program that Ladybug and I were part of this past spring.  Now I will be teaching a class for babies and one for toddlers, beginning in September.  I am very excited about it; it is an excellent curriculum that is developed by experts in child development as well as highly skilled musicians, and it focuses on the development of the whole child.  I hope I enjoy teaching it!  If anyone wants more info about my classes, here’s my business website.

That about covers things for now.  I’ll be back in September with another update…hopefully we’ll have two molars to report (and a lot more sleep!).

Fox and I have been re-evaluating our life lately.  To say that this past year has been hard is putting it rather mildly.  Survival mode has become the norm; even when things are going better, they’re hard.

One of the ways that we have dealt with this - one of the UN-healthy ways - is by turning to the internet for some vegging-out entertainment.  The end of the day comes, Ladybug’s finally in bed asleep, and all we want to do is collapse on the couch with something mindless.  We don’t have a TV, so what do we do?  We surf the net.  On two separate laptops.

We’ve realized how many things this is keeping us from doing.  For me, reading books, sewing, creating things, pursuing music, working on the garden, organizing, writing, and keeping up with friendships are all things that I set aside regularly in favor of the mind-numbing amusement I find online.  Fox has his own list.  But the one most important thing on both of our lists is our marriage - our relationship with each other.  Not that we’ve neglected it, exactly - it’s just not as good as it could be, as we want it to be.  And it’s harder now than before Ladybug came along - a lot harder.  Extra effort is needed, not extra zoning-out.

We’ve decided to take some drastic measures.  We’re going to get rid of one of our laptops.  That way, if Fox is using it for school in the evening, I will be doing something else, hopefully from that list above.  If he needs to take it to school, I will check and reply to email in the evenings when he gets home.  If not, I’ll have it all day, and he’ll check when he gets home.  Then we’ll pursue other things, together or separately, but other, worthwhile things.

I have also decided to stop blogging.  This has been a hard decision but I think it is the right one.  I wanted to blog for a number of reasons, but they aren’t working out like I hoped they would.  For one, I wanted a creative outlet.  I had fun designing my blog, but the writing itself just doesn’t work for me online.  I think I need to write by hand, in a journal, for my creativity to flow.  My mind goes blank when I sit down at a computer to write.  I end up writing silly stuff.

For two, I wanted to stay in touch with friends around the world.  What I found was that when I connected with friends this way, the communication often became too much for me to keep up with.  I am not even good at finding time and energy to maintain friendships with people right here in town, much less deepen those friendships!  And while I am already blessed with many deep friendships with people who live in other places, I need to communicate with them at a little bit slower pace.  I am an introvert - an overwhelmed, tired, busy introvert - and I just can’t handle all the relationships, all at once, that blogging brings.

And then there was the temptation to be a “power blogger.”  I am a driven person (at least, I used to be… I THINK I still am?…when I’m not so tired…)  and I like to stand out, to be the best, to receive praise.  A friend once told me that I want to be unique and special, but that I’m not - I’m just a normal person like everybody else.  She wasn’t trying to be cruel; she was being honest.  God has been dealing with me about that for awhile now, but blogging made it harder.  I wanted tons of readers, but I don’t have the time or energy that I need to put in to make that happen.  And that has nothing to do with why I started to blog in the first place!  Argh!  (Insert pirate accent there.  It’s fun.)  So, yes - temptation.

Anyway - there you have it.  I will leave this blog up indefinitely, and maybe I’ll update it now and then with family news and tidbits that friends might like to hear about.  I don’t know - we’ll see.  I’m looking forward to doing other things, though.  Thanks for being a reader, whoever you may be.   I appreciate it!

Wednesday night, we had a babysitter and went out on a date - it was our third date since Ladybug was born! And it was the first time we asked a babysitter who was non-family. A real milestone!

It was such a great evening. We had already eaten dinner earlier with Ladybug, so no dinner involved, but we went to the coffeehouse where we first decided to get married, and sat on the same bench where we sat that night almost four years ago. We talked and talked, then went for a drive around our old neighborhood, where our first apartment was. I miss that neighborhood so much. Then we went and found a bench and talked some more - we stayed out until almost midnight! On a weekday! Such extravagance! It was one of the best evenings in a long time.

Fox started summer school this week, and it’s a bit rough - on both of us. The class meets five days a week, as opposed to twice a week during the regular semester, so everyday he’s gone at 6:30 am for his hour-long commute to school. It’s hard not having him home in the mornings to help me out. Then he works all afternoon and gets home around 6. Long days. It’s been a long week. Thankfully, we had the date on Wednesday night to break up the week. And today is Friday! Yay! Two whole days together…bliss.

Ladybug started walking! She’s not consistent - she still falls a lot and crawls more than she walks, but she’s definitely walking. It’s amazing! I can’t wait for her to really be good at it and give up crawling - then maybe she’ll stop eating every single little thing that she comes across on the floor!

Today we took Ladybug to the swimming pool for the first time! I really wanted her to like the pool; I LOVE swimming and I hope that she’ll love it, too. We only stayed for about an hour but that was plenty of time to see that she really liked it, once she got past the initial shock of the cool water and all the loud, splashing kiddos. She was splashing right along with them after a bit! Towards the end, she started shivering so we got out then and warmed her up in the hot sun. It was in the mid-90s today… yes, summer is here. I’ll try to add a pic tomorrow. Pictures below!

(Note: the following post was intended to be humorous, in a very dry sort of way. But my hubby thinks that it sounds too intense and that my life is currently hellish. So, lest any of you fear or worry, please know I am actually pretty happy right now. So, just think “humor” when you read. I’m pretty sure I just have a guilt complex about not calling/emailing so many of you back, so I overdid it a bit below, in hopes that you won’t all hate me. )

well, here i am, in a rare moment of free time where i can actually have TWO HANDS free to type something. so, here goes:

1) I’m sorry for not calling/emailing you back. you know who you are.

and

2) the blog is going on hiatus.

Here’s the deal: I was only born with two hands. all the other moms of newborns who are out there blogging, emailing people, and calling people, they are actually born with a secret third hand - the extra “mom” hand. but i didn’t get one. so i am not able to do those things - except in rare moments like these.

i have been blessed with a “high needs” child. you can read more about what that means here. so, i can never really put her down. sometimes she pretends to be asleep, so i put her down, but after about 5 minutes she wakes up and giggles and says, “ha ha, mom, i tricked you!” and with her amazing little dimples you can’t help but giggle, too. but you also sigh, and say, “OK, maybe next time i will get to……(fill in the blank).” i read on another mom’s blog that in her spare time she likes to do luxurious, CRAZY things like shower and brush her teeth. and i totally understand.

so, i can do many things one-handed. however, they often include another partner activity which requires two hands. for example:

• i can eat with one hand, but cooking takes two
• i can read emails/blogs with one hand, but replying/writing takes two

you see what i mean.

also, i keep my phone’s ringer off now, so that in the event that she actually falls asleep and STAYS asleep (what a concept!), the phone will not awaken her (and me - because when else can i nap?) and crush all of my dreams. so, if you have called and i have not answered, it’s because the following stars were not aligned:

• phone is near me so i see it ring (i.e. i’m not down the hall changing diapers, or running to pee during her five minutes of pretend sleep, or something like that)
• free hand to answer the phone at that moment
• baby is awake (otherwise i’ll wake her - remember, she’s attached)
• baby is calm (not needing my attention at that moment)

i think that about covers it. so, please accept my sincere apologies if you have called and i have not answered nor have i yet called you back. i intend to…… it simply may take eighteen years. ok, maybe a month or so.

so, occasionally in the evenings she will nap a little before bed, as she is doing now. however, my dear hubby is a full-time student in graphic design, meaning he gets to call the computer if he needs it for homework. not to mention my home is a filthy shambles, so perhaps the blog isn’t really the best use of my time. hence, blogging has also ground to a halt.

therefore, i am declaring an official blog hiatus.

when i get my third hand, or when baby’s needs are a little less intense, i will return. and when i make my comeback, i’ll be bigger and better than ever. just like britney spears. (except - oops, apparently she bombed her comeback performance last night on the mtv vmas.  so, not like britney spears.  i hope.)

and i will be sure to let you all know. because i know you’ll all be waiting with baited breath.

oh, the agony.

OK, I should be napping but I can’t resist posting these pictures of my little one. You’ve never seen a cuter baby. (And if you have, don’t tell me about it.) Hubby took them; I cannot claim credit.

Also, I added a new page - on the tabs above, you will now see one that says, “Birth Story.” I decided it was too long for a post, so it got its own page. If you want all the gory details, that’s the place to find ‘em. And there is another really cute picture there of Baby, too.

OK, enjoy!

Just wanted to let you know i haven’t abandoned my blog - if anyone out there is still reading…. I have apparently been given a child that is not happy unless she is literally attached to me during her every waking moment. Which makes typing a little challenging. And when she’s sleeping, I am supposed to sleep, too, (since I am awake a lot during the night when she eats) as well as shower and eat. The sleeping part is important for warding off post-partum depression, according to my doctor. So we are really trying to follow doctor’s orders - not to mention I live in a brain fog now that is caused by never sleeping for more than 2 or 3 hours at any one given time. So, sleeping, eating, showering - that’s about all my life consists of these days. Hence, if I’m on the computer, then one of those three things isn’t happening. And that’s bad.

Not that I’m complaining. Just wanted to explain. Hopefully someday soon I will rejoin the land of normalcy. I hear at six weeks things get better, so we’re halfway there! Almost.

OK - gotta go try and get a nap before she wakes….

Well, she has finally arrived! It was a long, exhausting, intense labor - 24 hours of intense. I don’t have time or energy to say much right now, other than God is so good. I was able to labor and deliver naturally - that is to say, without pain meds, which is what I had hoped for. I give all glory and thanks to God for that - He was my strength and my comfort. My hubby was an amazing partner who never left my side the whole time, and our doula Christina was invaluable - I don’t think we could have done it without her. There were many small complications that arose and the whole birth story is pretty amazing; I plan to write it down soon, and post it here. In the meantime, I just offer a few pictures of my little girl who has stolen my heart completely. She is a joy and a gift and I have been overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord for entrusting such an amazing little person to us.

I haven’t written in awhile because it seems like there is nothing new to say. I am still waiting, still waiting, still waiting…. But yesterday it all got to be a bit too much. I think I broke down crying about four separate times yesterday. Those of you who are female probably understand - isn’t it MADNESS the way that our hormones control our life sometimes? If you’re male and you don’t get it, sorry.

Anyway, yesterday I just felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. I was exhausted and my back was killing me and there really are no comfortable positions left, whether I’m sitting, standing, lying down - it doesn’t matter. And why am I so exhausted some days and have much more energy on other days? It makes no sense, and throws a wrench in many a plan. For example, we have a garden in our backyard that is producing in abundance - it’s really been amazing to watch it grow, actually. We planted in early March and now we have tomatoes, green bell peppers, chilies, kale, cucumbers, and tons of different herbs - it’s fascinating, and so rewarding to eat something you cultivated yourself. We’re still waiting on yellow bell peppers, eggplant, and butternut squash.

So, I had big plans yesterday to make homemade spaghetti sauce out of our garden fresh tomatoes - I’d been planning it for a few days and was totally psyched. But by the time the afternoon rolled around, it was all I could do to lie on the couch and read a book. I was so frustrated. My hubby ended up cooking dinner for us - which, I think he will freely admit, is not exactly his area of expertise. It’s happened maybe 2 or 3 other times in our marriage. Not that I mind - I like to cook, I’m good at it, and he helps clean up. It works for us. But what I mean is, you know that if he’s cooking, I’m REALLY out of it.

And so, I ended up a blubbering, sobbing mess - not once, but perhaps three or four times yesterday. Sheerly out of exhaustion and frustration. And it’s really not encouraging when people tell me that NOW is the time to rest, since “you will only be more exhausted once the baby’s here.” I mean, even if it’s true, just spare me the facts right now, people, please! I need to hear about the good stuff - not further reasons I’m going to want to tear my hair out and check into the loony bin. Just a few encouraging words, is that too much to ask?!?!

Well, anyway, today I feel a bit more stable. We’ll see if it lasts….

I’m done! I’m done! I’m done!

Yesterday was my last day at the office, and as of today I am officially a stay-at-home-almost-mom. Isn’t that CRAZY?!? Well, at least it’s crazy to me. Except for brief periods of transition, I’ve had a job from the moment I turned sixteen. Yesterday I was at the office pretty late, cleaning up files and cleaning out my cube, and generally just wrapping things up. I turned off the computer for the last time, turned off the lights, and looked around - not really believing that I wouldn’t be coming back today, or ever again. It was very surreal. Then I went downstairs, turned in my keys and credit card, and walked out those doors for the last time as an employee. Very weird.

But very…… happy. I have been looking forward to this day for a long time, and all mixed emotions aside, I am primarily so happy and relieved to be able to stay home and REST a little bit, before my baby arrives on the scene (due date is 4 weeks from today!).

So, what did I do today on my first day at home? Well, I slept in a little bit, had an appointment at church for the 2007 Hope Arts Festival this summer, came home and had a little lunch, and then slept some more! Hee hee hee… Sleep has become such a coveted commodity these days. I make no apologies.

And tonight I am having a hot date with my hubby! We’re going to eat Indian food, and then we’ll probably come home and watch a movie or something. Not quite the dream date I described in the previous post, but then again, I’m not supposed to be pregnant in the dream date. So that will just have to wait…..